Question:
I'm not Jewish, but I'd like to ask a few quick questions.
My daughter will turn 13 in just over a year. My religious beliefs include the necessity of impressing upon teens the responsibilities of adulthood that they begin to bear at puberty. For that reason and others, I'd like to throw a very special 13th birthday party for my daughter, modeled in some respects after the Bat Mitzvah.
Some questions I'd like to ask (please excuse my ignorance):
Who attends a Bat Mitzvah? Family only? Only adult friends of the family? What about schoolmates? Are there ever any teen boys in attendance that are not family (not that I expect that to be an issue, but I'd still like to get a complete picture)?
Are there any special ceremonies or rituals enacted?
Does the girl participate in any formal counseling or instruction prior to or during the event? What do the teen girls perceive as the significance of the whole affair?
What about entertainment? Are bands typically hired? If so, would they only play Jewish music, or would some pop tunes be included?
Anything else that I've missed?
Answer:
What I'm going to say is my interpretation of our synagogue's fairly reform Jewish practice in the United States - in Orthodox Judaism, I believe, there are no Bat Mitzvah, since in Orthodox practice, the woman has different religious responsibilities than the man.
Anyway, let's start with the basics. "Bat Mitzvah" is a noun, literally "Daughter of the Commandments"; it refers to the 13-year-old, not to the ceremony. It is not a verb: "My daughter was Bat Mitzvah-ed last month" is incorrect (though fairly common) usage.
The service at which someone becomes Bat Mitzvah is a normal sabbath service - there is no particular "ceremony" (it is not a "sacrament" like a Communion or a Catholic marriage). What happens at the service (in our synagogue, unaffiliated with any major Jewish movement, but between reform and conservative) is that the Bat Mitzvah demonstrates Jewish literacy: she leads aspects of the service, she reads from scripture (portions from the Torah and Prophets, in Hebrew - usually the most demanding part of the demonstration), she gives a "drash" - a teaching based on the scriptural readings of the week.
There is usually a party to celebrate this event. Family and schoolmates are usually invited. The attendance of teen boys is not unusual.
The Bat Mitzvah demonstrates Jewish learning. This learning is gleaned from participation in religious school, usually about 7 years of instruction in our community.
The religious significance of the event is that the Bat Mitzvah, having demonstrated Jewish literacy, is now responsible for her own religious and moral life, with all the rights and responsiblilities that entails.
In my experience, most 13-year-olds have a slight grasp of this concept, not a profound one.
